最不情愿的转换——C.S.刘易斯不为人知的故事 翻译：hardstick 校订：hardstick
Hey, they're ready for you Max. 他们都为你准备好了，麦克斯。
Oh, good. 哦，很好。
- It is black. Extra strong. - Thank you. -黑咖啡。有点浓。 -谢谢你。
Okay. We're on our way. 好了。我们这就过去。
根据C.S.刘易斯的著作以及他的回忆录《惊悦》改编。
Okay, one minute till we shoot. 好了，还有一分钟就开拍了。
Thank you guys. Let's be ready. 谢谢你们。让我们都做好准备。
There we go. 我们进棚吧。
- Final check- - Is this my chair? -最后的检查... -这是我的椅子吗？
Let's have a red light bell, please. 请给我们亮一下红灯。
Where's my phone? 我的收音器呢？
Who has my phone? 谁拿了我的收音器？
Sound. 音响。
Camera. 摄像。
All right. How's my hair? 好吧。我的发型怎么样？
How's my hair? 我的头发行吗？
It's looking good.Looking good. 看起来很好。很帅气。
Nice and quiet, please. 请保持安静。
Ready for a take. 准备开怕。
Cameras are rolling. 开机。
Set. 场记。
- One take one. - Mark it. -第一场景第一镜。-打板。
Quiet. 安静。
Stand by and... 预备...
Action. 开拍。
When I was an atheist,if you had asked me, 当我还是无神论者的时候，如果你问我，
why do you not believe in God? 你为什么不相信上帝?
I would've answered, look at the universe we live in. 我会回答，看看我们生活的宇宙。
Mostly empty space,completely dark. 大部分是空乏的空间，而且完全黑暗。
Unimaginably cold. 不可想象的寒冷。
Most scientists think it improbable 大多数科学家认为，
that any planet in our solar system sustains life 我们太阳系中的任何行星，都不可能维持生命，
and Earth herself existed without life for millions of years 而地球本身，在没有生命的情况下，存在了数百万年，
and may exist millions more 在生命再次离开她之后，
after life has once again left her. 可能还会存在数百万年。
And what is life? 那么，什么是生命？
So arranged that creatures live only by preying on another. 如此安排，生物只能靠捕食其他生物生存
In the lower forms, this means only death. 在较低级的形式中，这只意味着死亡。
In the higher forms something called consciousness 在更高的形式中，一种叫做意识的东西
enables the living to experience pain. 使生命能够体验疼痛。
Creatures are born in pain, 生物出生时，就有疼痛，
live by inflicting pain and mostly die in pain. 在遭受疼痛中生活，而且大多数死于疼痛中。
In the most complex of all creatures, man, 在所有生物中，最复杂的人类身上，
another quality appears, reason. 又出现了另一种品质——理性。
And by reason we can foresee our own pain. 通过理性，我们可以预见自己的疼痛。
This we call suffering. 我们称之为痛苦。
We can foresee our own death 我们可以预见到自己的死亡，
while keenly desiring to go on living. 但还渴望继续活下去。
Reason enables humans to invent hundreds of ingenious ways 理性，使人类能够发明数百种巧妙的方式，
of inflicting a great deal more pain 来施加更多的痛苦，给被我们称为
than we could have done as irrational creatures. “非理性生物”所能带给我们的痛苦。
This power we have exploited to the full. 我们已经充分利用了这种力量。
History's our record of crime, war, disease, terror, 历史，就是我们犯罪、战争、疾病、恐怖的记录，
with just enough happiness to give us 其中的幸福刚好足以
an agonized fear of losing it. 让我们烦恼地害怕，失去幸福。
And when lost, the poignant misery 当失去后，回忆起美好的感觉
of remembering how good it felt. 是多么苦闷。
Every now and then our condition is improved 我们的生存状况，不时地因我们所谓的文明
by what we call civilization. 而得到改善。
But all civilizations pass away. 但是所有的文明都会消逝。
That our own civilization will pass away is surely probable, 我们自己的文明终将消亡，这是很有可能的，
and even if it should not pass away, 即使它不会消亡，
we're all doomed, the universe is doomed. 我们都难逃劫数，宇宙也难逃劫数。
The astronomers hold out no hope 天文学家对这颗行星
that this planet is permanently inhabitable. 永远适合居住，不抱任何希望。
The physicists hold out no hope that organic life 物理学家对有机生命在物质宇宙中
is a permanent possibility in any part 任何部分，都是永久存在的可能性，
of the material universe. 不抱任何希望。
Not only this earth, but the whole show. 不光是在这个地球上，而是在全局上。
All the suns of space are to run down. 太空中所有的太阳，都将耗尽。
Nature is a sinking ship. 大自然是一艘正在下沉的船。
So if you asked me to believe all this I've just described 所以，如果你要我相信，我刚才所说的一切
as the work of an omnipotent, benevolent God, 都是全能、仁慈的上帝的杰作，
I would have laughed and said 我会笑着说，
the evidence points in the opposite direction. 证据指向相反的方向。
Either there's no God behind the universe, 要么就是，宇宙背后没有上帝，
a God indifferent to good and evil, 要么，有一个对善恶漠不关心的上帝，
or worse, an evil God, 要么更糟，一个邪恶的神。
Never dreamed of raising the question 从来没有想过，要提出这样一个问题:
if the universe is so bad, or even half so bad, 如果宇宙如此糟糕，哪怕只有一半得糟糕，
how on Earth did humans ever come to attribute 那么人类究竟是如何把它归因于
it to the work of a wise and good creator? 一位明智而善良的造物主呢?
Oh men are fools! 哦，人们是何等的愚蠢！
But not so foolish as that, 但不至于愚蠢到
to direct inference from black to white, 从黑中推论出白，
from evil flower to virtuous root, 从善良的根茎，推论出恶毒的花朵，
from senseless work to a workman infinitely wise. 从愚蠢的著作，推论出无限聪明的创造者。
Staggers belief. 左右摇摆着，我的信念。
No, I did not believe God existed. 不，我不相信上帝的存在。
I was angry at God for not existing. 就因为上帝不存在，我才感到愤怒。
Why should creatures have the burden of existence 为什么众生物不经他们的同意
forced upon them without their consent? 就被强加生存的重担?
I lost my mother to cancer. 我的母亲，因癌症离开了我。
Had an estranged relationship with my father 我至今还深深懊悔，我和我父亲的
that I regret even now. 疏远关系。
Was in the trenches during the Great War, 在第一次世界大战期间的战壕里，
the hell where youth and laughter go 那是一个充满青春和欢笑的地狱，
only to see horribly smashed men 只会看到被打得血肉横飞的人，
still moving about like crushed beetles. 还像被压扁的甲虫一样四处走动的人。
A mortar shell that wounded me, killed the man next to me, 一枚迫击炮弹击伤了我，杀死了我旁边的人，
splattering shrapnel, 弹片四溅，
some of which I carry my body to this day. 有些弹片我至今还带在身上。
When I returned to Oxford after the war in 1919, 1919年战争结束后，当我回到牛津时，
I read the minutes to my college's last meeting in 1914, 我阅读了学院1914年，最后一次会议的记录，
nothing made me realize more thoroughly 没有什么比这更让我彻底意识到，
the absolute waste of those years. 那几年是多么地浪费。
I was asked "Were you much frightened in France?" 有人问我:“你在法国害怕吗?”
"All the time," I said, “一直害怕，”我回答道，
"but I never sank so low as to pray." “但我从来没有堕落到，要祈祷的地步。”
Some people have got the impression from my books 有些人从我的书中得到的印象是，
that I was raised in a strict and vivid puritanism. 我是在严格而明亮的清教主义中长大的。
This is untrue. 这是不真实的。
Mr. Lewis. 刘易斯先生。
Roger, usual please. 罗杰，老样子。
You? Make that two. 你也在？那就来两份。
I'll get these. 我请客。
Edel will find us a table. 埃德尔会给我们找张桌子的。
You can have this one. 你们可以坐这张桌子。
There you go. All done. 就这样吧。全擦过了。
No, religious experience did not occur in my family. 不，我的家庭没有宗教经历。
Was taught the usual things, made to say my prayers, 否则，我们就会被灌输在日常的事情里，做祷告啦，
in due time taken to church. 定期上教堂啦。
Can't remember feeling much interest in it. 我不记得对它有什么兴趣。
Cheers! 喝一口！
Father was a solicitor in Belfast, Ireland. 我父亲是爱尔兰贝尔法斯特的一名律师。
He was Welsh by blood, passionate, rhetorical, 他是血统纯正的威尔士人，热情奔放，能说会道，
laughed and cried a great deal. 爱笑爱哭。
Had almost no talent for happiness. 他几乎没有快乐的天赋。
Mother was of a cooler race. 母亲出身于一个比较冷静的种族。
She was tranquil, affectionate. 她宁静而富有爱心。
She had a talent for happiness.Went straight for it. 她有寻找快乐的天赋。而且是直奔它而去。
As an experienced traveler 她就像一个有经验的旅行者，
goes for the best seat on a train. 总能在火车上，寻找最好的座位。
I lived in a large house that to a small boy 我住在一所大房子里，对一个小男孩来说，
seemed like a city. 它就像一座城市。
I am a product of long corridors, 我是生长于走廊、
empty sunlit rooms, attics explored in solitude, 阳光普照的空房间、独自探索的阁楼、
distant noises of gurgling cisterns and pipes. 远处水池和管道的汩汩声中。
The noise of wind under the tiles 伴随我的还有，屋瓦下的风声、
and endless books. 和看不完的书籍。
Books readable and unreadable, 书中有可读懂的，和难读懂的，
books suitable for a child and books emphatically not. 有适合孩子读的书，也有不适合读的书。
Nothing was forbidden. 没有什么是禁止读的。
In the seemingly endless rainy afternoons 在那些似乎无穷无尽的雨天下午，
I almost literally read my way through the house. 我几乎是在屋子里，逐字逐句地读书。
Jack. 杰克。
You'll never guess what I found! 你绝对猜不到我找到了什么!
Quick! 快点！
Hey wait for me! 等会儿我！
Hey wait! 等一下！
Catch up. 跟着我。
Hey Jack, now stop!Don't disturb your father! 嘿，杰克，停下!别打扰你父亲!
Boys! 孩子们！
Boys. 孩子们。
Happy days. 快乐的日子。
My brother Warnie and I enjoyed them to the full. 我和兄长沃尼玩得很尽兴。
Until the great loss that befell our family. 直到我们家遭受巨大损失。
One night, my father in tears came into my room 一天晚上，我的父亲流着泪，来到我的房间，
to convey to my terrified mind 告诉我一些
things I'd never conceived of. 我从未想过的可怕事情。
My mother had cancer. 我的母亲患了癌症。
The doctor said, we can't- 医生说，我们不能...
... I don't think children suffer ...我不认为孩子们比他们的长辈
less than their elders,they suffer differently. 遭受的痛苦少，他们遭受的痛苦是不同的。
So we have to be strong. 所以，我们必须坚强。
And as our whole existence changed 当时，我们的整个生活，
into something alien and menacing. 都变得既陌生又险恶。
Your mother loves you very much. 你妈妈非常爱你。
The house became full of strange smells, 屋子里充满了奇怪的气味、
midnight noises and sinister whispered conversations. 午夜的噪音和不详的窃窃私语。
We need some fresh bandages quickly. 我们急需一些新绷带。
My brother Warnie and I 我和哥哥沃尼
lost our mother gradually as she was slowly withdrawn 逐渐失去了我们的母亲，她慢慢地
from our life into the hands of nurses, 从我们的生活中消失，落入了护士的手中，
delirium and morphea. 陷入了谵妄和睡眠状态。
Oh Doctor. Thank goodness. 哦,医生。你终于来了。
The disease followed the usual course, 这种疾病按照通常的过程进行，
an operation, they operated in the patient's house 一个手术，当时医生在病人的家里做手术，
in those days, an apparent recovery, 貌似病情转好了，
the return at the disease,increasing pain, death. 然后，病情复发，疼痛加剧，最后死亡。
When mother died, all settled happiness 母亲去世后，我们生活中一切安逸的幸福
disappeared from our lives. 都消失了。
A great continent had sunk. 一个巨大的大陆沉没了。
It was only sea and islands now. 现在只剩下大海和岛屿了。
My father never recovered. 我父亲再也没有恢复过来。
Under the pressure he spoke wildly, acted unjustly, 在压力之下，他说话疯狂，行为不公正，
as this unfortunate man was losing his sons 因为这个不幸的人，失去了他的儿子，
as well as his wife. 正如他，失去了妻子。
My brother Warnie and I had already begun to lie to him. 我和哥哥沃尼，已经开始对他撒谎了。
We were two frightened urchins, 我们是两个受惊的顽童，
huddled for warmth in a bleak world. 在这个荒凉的世界里，抱团取暖。
Mother's death occasioned, what some might say at the time, 母亲的死，就像当时的人说的，使我有了
my first religious experience. 第一次宗教体验。
When my mother's case was pronounced hopeless 当我母亲的病情，被宣告无治时，
I remembered what I had been taught, 我想起了我被教导的，
that prayers offered in faith would be granted. 满怀信仰的祈祷，终将会得到满足。
Accordingly, I set myself to produce in prayer 因此，我在祈祷中坚定地相信
a firm belief for her recovery. 她一定会康复。
When she died, I shifted ground. 她死后，我改变了立场。
I worked myself into belief that there was to be a miracle. 我使自己相信，会有奇迹发生。
Oh, I approached God. 哦，我靠近上帝了。
Not as savior or as judge, but as magician. 不是把他当作救世主，也不是当作法官，而是当作魔术师。
I simply wanted him to restore the status quo. 我只是想让他恢复现状。
And when he had done what was required of him, 当他完成了要求他做的事情后，
he would simply go away. 他就会直接离开。
The prayer hadn't worked. 祈祷没有奏效。
Oh, I was used to things not working, 我习惯了事情不管用，
thought no more about it. 就不再想它了。
Mother's death among other things, 母亲的去世，使我产生了一种
produced in me a deeply ingrained pessimism. 根深蒂固的悲观情绪。
Oh, I was by no means unhappy, 哦，我决不是不高兴，
but I had definitely formed the opinion that the universe 但我确实形成了这样一种看法:
in the main was a rather regrettable institution. 宇宙总的来说，是一个相当令人遗憾的收容所。
Father's melancholy was a contributing factor. 父亲的忧郁，就是一个能说明的因素。
A prosperous man who by our present tax-ridden standards 当时一个富有的人，按照我们当今税负过重的标准，
would be described as incredibly secure. 应该说是非常安全的。
Expressed adult life as one unremitting struggle. 是通过一个成年人不断奋斗来体现的。
Best one could hope for,according to him, 按照他的说法，最好就是避免沦入
was to avoid the workhouse. 济贫院。
This only by extreme exertion. 这只能靠极度的努力。
Never thought to check his highly colored comments 从来没有想过要用他的夸张言论，来反驳
against the obvious fact 我们过着非常不舒服的生活
that we were living very uncomfortable lives. 这一显而易见的事实。
Temperamental widower still grieving the loss of his wife 一个还沉浸在丧妻之痛的喜怒无常的鳏夫，
must be very wise to raise two noisy school boys 抚养起两个吵闹的男生来，一定是非常粗鲁的，
who reserve their confidence only for each other. 两兄弟只能彼此保持信任。
The same scene, reenacted time after time. 同样的场景，一次又一次地重演。
Well? 怎么了？
When he opened his mouth to reprove us 当他开口责备我们时，
he no doubt intended a short well-chosen appeal 毫无疑问，他是有意对我们的常识提出简短的、
to our common sense. 精心挑选的上诉。
Have you nothing to say in your defense? 你没有什么要为自己辩护的吗?
But alas, he had been a public prosecutor, 但遗憾的是，早在他成为父亲之前，
long before he had become a father. 他就已经是一名公诉人了。
Words came to him and intoxicated him as they came. 话语涌上心头时，使他极度兴奋。
Never in all my born days 我一生中从来没有
have I come across such recalcitrant behavior. 遇到过这样不听话的行为。
Disobedience. 如此不服从。
Deliberate disobedience and willfulness, 故意的不服从和任性，
such as would dismay the very founders of our civilization. 这些只会让我们文明的缔造者，感到沮丧。
What happened was a small boy who left the bathroom 这只不过是一个小男孩，没洗干净就离开了浴室，
in a pickle, found himself attacked like Cicero on Catiline. 却发现自己就像当年在罗马元老院中，被西塞罗怒斥的喀提林阴谋一样。
Simile on simile, rhetorical question on rhetorical 明喻接明喻，反问接反问，
question, the flash of an orator's eye, 演说家的眼神，
the gestures, the cadences... 他的手势，抑扬顿挫地…
The pauses. 还有停顿。
The pauses were the chief danger. 这停顿可是及其危险的。
Well? 那么？
One was so long 一次，他停顿的如此之长，
that my brother, assuming the denunciation to have ended, 以至于我的哥哥认为，这场斥责已经结束了，
humbly picked up his book and resumed reading, 谦恭地拿起了他的书，继续读了下去，
a gesture which my father, who had only made 这种姿态，我父亲保持了一秒半的时间，
a rhetorical miscalculation of about a second and a half 一个修辞上的失误就被他
described as- 演绎成...
... Cool, premeditated, insolent! ...铁石心肠，居心不良，无礼傲慢！
The disproportion between the tirades 他的长篇大论与其动机之间的
and what prompted them was ludicrous. 不一致是可笑的。
From the wilderness of words, 从文字的荒野中，涌现出
emerged ideas I took literally. 我从字面上理解的想法。
Perhaps I should board up the house. 也许我该把房子用木板封起来。
Keep you both in school all year round. 让你们俩一年到头都呆在学校里。
And that we should be- 我们应该被...
- Sent to the colonies to end in misery ...押往殖民地，在痛苦中结束
the career of crime on which you have both already embarked. 你们已经开始的犯罪生涯。
Such was the effect of my father's rhetoric, 这就是我父亲言辞的效果，
until I began to perceive him as ridiculous. 直到我开始觉得他很可笑。
At 14, I ceased to be a Christian. 14岁时，我不再是基督徒了。
At that age one barely notices. 在那个年纪，人们几乎不会注意到。
At school, all the teachers and book editors 在学校里，所有的老师和图书编辑
took it for granted that religion was some sort of endemic 都理所当然地认为，宗教是一种地方性的胡说八道，
nonsense into which humanity tended to blunder. 它导致人类往往会犯愚蠢的错误。
In the midst of a thousand false religions, 在一千种站不住脚的宗教中，
stood our own, the thousand and first, 还有我们自己的宗教矗立着，第一千零一种，
labeled completely true. 它被贴上了完全真实的标签。
On what grounds I asked, why was it treated so differently? 站在这个立场上，我会问，为什么会有如此的不同？
I was eager not to, if Adonis could be explained away, 我很不愿意如此，既然“美少年阿多尼斯”都能通过解释得以消除，
then why not Christ? 那为什么基督就不能?
So little by little,I became an apostate 就这样一点一点地，我成了一个叛教者，
dropping my faith with no sense of loss 放弃了我的信仰，没有损失的感觉，
and with the greatest relief. 却感到最大的轻松。
Oh, there was no faith, hope or charity in my religion. 我的宗教里没有信仰，没有希望，也没有慈善。
I feared not God, but hell, 我害怕的不是上帝，而是地狱，
and heaven was only the lesser of two intolerable evils. 而天堂只是两个无法忍受的恶魔中,较轻的一个。
Oh, I became a vigorous debunker and argued 哦，我成了一个积极的揭穿者，
there's no proof for any religion 认为没有任何证据支持任何宗教，
and that Christianity is not even the best. 甚至基督教都不是最好的。
Religion was invented to explain things 发明宗教是为了解释那些
that terrified primitive man, thunder, pestilence, snakes. 使原始人害怕的东西，如雷声，瘟疫，蛇。
What could be more natural than to suppose 还有什么比认为人们是
they were animated by spirits and that by singing songs 受到神灵的鼓舞，通过唱圣歌和献祭，
and making sacrifices,one might appease them. 来获得安抚，更显得自然的呢?
Great men such as Hercules and Odin were thought to be gods. 像古希腊的大力神赫拉克勒斯， 和北欧诸神之王奥丁这样的伟人被认为是神。
After their death, hence after the death 在他们死后，也就是
of a Hebrew philosopher, Yeshua, 在希伯来哲学家耶书亚死后，
whose name we have corrupted into Jesus, 我们已经把他的名字沦落为耶稣，
a cult sprang up and Christianity began, 一个邪教兴起，基督教开始了，
just another mythology among many. 这只是众多神话中的另一个。
Oh the superstitions always held by common people, 哦，老百姓总是迷信，
but educated thinking was always stood outside it, 但有教养的思想，总是站在它们之外，
conceding to it only out of convenience. 只是为了方便才承认它。
And I was not prepared to believe in a bogey man 我也不准备相信一个会
who would torture me forever 永远折磨我的妖怪，
because I failed to live up to an impossible standard. 就因为我没有达到一个，不可能达到的标准。
圣唐纳德男子预科学校
With my deliberate withdrawal from divine protection, 由于我有意远离神的保护，
I underwent a successful assault of sexual temptation. 我成功地接受了性诱惑的攻击。
Part of it was the age I had reached. 部分原因是我的年龄。
The electric effect was a dancing mistress. 让我兴奋的是，一个教我们跳舞的女教师。
She was the first woman to speak to my blood 她是第一个使得我血脉喷张的女人，
whom I looked upon to lust after. 也是我所渴求的。
Good morning, boys. 上午好，孩子们。
Good morning Miss. 上午好，女士。
This was of no fault of her own. 这不是她自己的错。
A gesture, tone of voice 一个手势，一个语调
has unpredictable results in these matters. 在这些事情上，都着有不可预知的结果。
As it happened, the school room was decorated for dance. 碰巧，学校的教室被装饰成可以跳舞的地方。
She came in and said. 她进来说道。
I love the smell of bunting. 我喜欢婴儿睡袋的气息。
And I was undone. 这下，我就不能控制了。
Now, let us begin. 现在，让我们开始。
Follow my every move. 每一个动作都要跟着我做。
Thank you Elsie. 艾利希，麻烦你伴奏。
Up. 向上。
And down. 再向下。
And up. 再向上。
And dainty toes. 用脚趾头掂起。
Dainty toes, very good. 掂起脚尖。非常好。
Dainty toes. 掂起脚趾。
And around sway. 摆动双臂，转个圈。
Sway. 摆动双臂。
This was not a knight devoting himself to a lady, 这不是一个献身于一位女士的骑士，
more like a Turk looking at a Circassian woman 而更像是一个土耳其人，看着一个他养不起的
he could not afford. 高加索切尔克斯女人。
I knew what I wanted. 我知道我想要什么。
You might think this produced guilt. 你可能会认为，这产生了负罪感。
Guilt was not a thing I knew. 我那时还不知道，什么是负罪感。
Well done boys. Well done. 做得好，孩子们。做得好。
I had been a tender-hearted boy, 我曾经是一个心地善良的男孩，
but now I labored hard to become a fop, a cad, a snob. 但现在我努力地变成了一个纨绔子弟，一个无赖，一个势利小人。
I was at that time as non-moral 那时我是
as a human creature could be. 最没有道德的人了。
Oh Lewis. 哦，刘易斯。
Do enjoy the holidays won't you? 好好享受假期吧，对吗?
Yes, miss. 是的，女士。
Oh, there you are.Where have you been? 哦，你来了。你去哪儿了?
- Sorry Father. - Come on, come on. -对不起，父亲大人。 -快点，快点。
It won't wait you know. Thank you. 火车不会等你的。谢谢您。
I could not tell my father 我不能告诉父亲
my change of belief. 我改变了信仰。
He was no fool. He even had a streak of genius. 他不是傻瓜。他甚至有天才的潜质。
But for a man who was formidable in court 但作为一个在法庭上令人敬畏的人，
and I presume efficient in his office, 我猜想他在办公室是个效率很高的人，
he had more power for confusing an issue 他比我所认识的任何人，都更有能力把
than any man I have ever known. 任何议题都搞得一塌糊涂。
Oh, the first barrier to communication 哦，沟通的第一个障碍是
was having asked the question, 提出这个问题之后，
he would not stay for the answer. 他不会坐等答案出现。
Tell him that a boy called Churchwood had caught a mouse 当你告诉他，一个叫邱奇伍德的男孩，抓了一只老鼠
and kept it as a pet. 当宠物养。
He would ask- 他会问...
- Whatever became of young Chickweed ...究竟是什么让这位年轻的Chickweed
who was so afraid of rats? 如此害怕一只老鼠？
Who sir? 您说谁？
Chickweed.
Oh, I think you mean Churchwood. 哦，我想你是在问邱奇伍德。
It was a mouse, not a rat. 是一只猫，不是一只老鼠。
And he wasn't afraid of it, at all. 他一点也不害怕。
Attempts to correct his version produced an incredulous. 试图纠正他的说法，会引起他的质问。
That's not the story you used to tell, my boy. 这不是你以前讲的故事，我的孩子。
All this explains,though does not excuse, 我费尽了口舌也解释不清，
one of the worst acts of my life. 这是我一生中，最失败的事情之一。
I allowed myself to prepare for confirmation. 我允许自己，为坚信礼仪式做准备。
To be confirmed, make my first communion, 在受坚信礼时，我要第一次领受圣餐，
all in total disbelief, 所有这些都让我，完全不相信，
acting a part, eating and drinking my own condemnation. 还要扮演一个角色，吃进并喝下我所谴责的东西。
I knew I was acting a lie. 我知道，我是在假装扮演。
I simply could not tell my father my real views. 我就是不能，把我的真实想法告诉父亲。
Not that he would have stopped. 如果跟他说了，他会停下来。
Let's talk the whole thing over, he would have said. 他会说，让我们把整件事好好谈谈。
But the thread would have been lost at once. 但这条思路会立刻消失。
His arguments. 也就是他的论点。
I would not have valued a straw, 我连一根救命的稻草都不会有，
the beauty of the authorized version, 钦定版《圣经》的吸引人之处，
the Christian tradition. 也就是基督教传统。
Oh, it was all sentiment. 哦，这一切都让我神伤。
And if I tried to make by exact points clear, 如果我试图，把我的真实想法讲明，
there would have been thunder from him 他就会大发雷霆，
and a thin peevish rattle from me, 我也会忿忿不平地喋喋不休，
Nor could the subject ever have been dropped. 所以，这个话题就干脆不提。
All this I ought to have dared 这一切我都应该敢于去承认，
rather than the thing I did. 而不是去做我所违心的事。
It seemed impossible at the time, 这在当时，似乎是不可能的，
cowardice drove me to hypocrisy 懦弱驱使我伪善，
and hypocrisy to blasphemy. 伪善驱使我，亵渎自己的思想。
The years passed, then the most fortunate thing happened. 几年过去了，最幸运的事情发生了。
A bit more to the right, please. 请再往右一点。
My father had declared 我父亲曾宣布
that he would send my brother to a tutor 要把我兄长送到位于伦敦南部，
in Surrey, south of London. 萨里郡的辅导教师那里。
That's it. Thank you. 就是这样。谢谢你们！
In a surprisingly short time, 在令人惊讶的短时间内，
this tutor had so rebuilt the ruins of Warnie's education, 这位导师补救了沃尼荒废的学业，
that he passed into Sandhurst 他进入了桑德赫斯特，
and received a prize army cadetship. 并获得了军校士官生的荣誉。
For some time, my own schooling had been going nowhere. 有一段时间，我自己的学业毫无进展。
It had neither engaged my mind nor my heart, 它既没有占据我的头脑，也没有占据我的心，
but seeing my brothers progress, 但看到我的兄弟进步，
I finally plucked up the courage to ask. 我终于鼓起勇气，提出要求。
Jack! Jack! Are you up there? 杰克!杰克!你在上面吗?
Come on boy. Well get your coat. 快点啊，孩子。把你的外套穿好。
We're 10 minutes late already. 我们已经晚了10分钟了。
Papa, you know, when you send Warnie off to Surrey 爸爸，你送沃尼去萨里郡，找过
to your old tutor Mr. Kirkpatrick. 你以前的导师柯克帕特里克先生。
Yes. 是的。
The Great Knock we used to call him. 我们以前称他为“伟大的开窍者”。
Warnie seemed to benefit from him greatly. 沃尼似乎从他身上获益匪浅。
He did. 是的。
He did. He's a fine teacher. 他是的，他是一位好导师。
I've been thinking. 我一直在想。
Might it not be good to send me to Surrey too? 也许，你也该送我去萨里郡。
Well, there'll be no other boys. 这不会有别的孩子了。
You won't be able to play your games. 你就不能再嬉戏了。
I tried to look grave,no other boys. 我试着装出沮丧的样子，“不会再有别的孩子了”。
Never to play games. 别再嬉戏了。
I was transported. 我被送去了。
Ah yes, this is the day 啊，就这样，从这一天起，
the rest of my life really began to happen. 我下半生才算是真正开启了。
I was still in my teens when I made my way over to England 当我去英格兰萨里郡见我的新导师时，
and down to Surrey to meet my new tutor. 我还只有十几岁。
I wasn't sure what to expect. 我不知道，等待我的是什么。
At first sight he seemed decent enough. 乍一看，他似乎还挺体面的。
Hello, lovely to meet you. 你好，很高兴见到你。
William T. Kirkpatrick. The Great Knock. 威廉·t·柯克帕特里克。别人称我为“伟大的开窍者”。
His grip was like iron pincers. 他的手像铁钳子。
Follow me! 跟着我！
I remember feeling the need to make conversation 我记得当时我感到，有必要用一种
in the deplorable manner 我和我父亲交谈的
I felt necessary to use with my father. 那种糟糕的方式来交谈。
I was quite surprised by the scenery of Surrey, sir. 萨里的风景让我很惊讶，先生。
It's really much wilder than I expected. 这比我想象的要狂野得多。
Stop! What do you mean by wildness? 打住! 你说的“狂野”是什么意思?
And on what grounds have you based your expectations? 你的期望是基于什么?
On the flora and geology of Surrey? 你是想说，萨里的植物还是地貌？
Was it maps, photographs, books? 是地图、照片还是书籍?
Sorry, sir. 对不起，先生。
As answer after answer was torn to shreds 我一个接一个的回答，被撕成碎片，
Kirk concluded that my comment was meaningless 柯克断定我的评论毫无意义，
and that I had no right to have 我无权在这个问题上，
any opinion whatsoever on the subject. 发表任何意见。
It never occurred to me that my thoughts 我从来没有想过我的想法
needed to be based on anything. 需要基于什么。
That conversation lasted three minutes 那次谈话持续了三分钟，
and set the tone for my two years in Surrey. 为我在萨里的两年奠定了基调。
Kirk's ruthless dialectic was the only way he spoke. 柯克冷酷的辩证逻辑，是他说话的唯一方式。
It was an astonishment to Kirk 如果你竟然不愿意被纠正，
that you should not want to be corrected. 这使柯克感到惊讶。
Kirk lived with his wife in a comfortable 柯克和他的妻子住在村边一所
and secluded cottage on the edge of the village. 舒适而僻静的小屋里。
It was all rather wonderful. 这一切都相当美妙。
Welcome! Welcome! 欢迎！欢迎！
Now you put your case down there. 你就把箱子放在这里吧。
I felt welcomed as soon as I stepped inside, 我一进门就觉得很受欢迎，
the whole place was stuffed with books. 整个地方都堆满了书。
I had come home. 我仿佛回到了家里。
And this is my wife, Louisa. 这是我妻子，路易莎。
Pleased to meet you Mrs. Kirkpatrick. 很高兴见到你，柯克帕特里克夫人。
Pleasure's ours entirely. 我们一起快乐。
We'll show you up to your room. 我们带您去您的房间。
I have it all prepared. 我已经布置好了。
You come down when you're ready, 你们准备好了就下来，
and we'll start knocking that mind of yours into shape. 我们会开始训练你的思维。
There you are. I hope you like it. 你就在那里。希望你喜欢。
Oh, and by the way, don't worry about my husband. 顺便说一句，不用担心我丈夫。
He likes to argue, a lot. 他喜欢争吵，经常争吵。
Most boys would have cowered at all this. 大多数男生看到这一切，都会畏缩不前。
I loved the treat, but it was red beef and strong beer. 我喜欢这种款待，但它就像是红酒炖牛肉和烈性啤酒。
After a few knockdowns, 醉过几次之后，
I began to put on some intellectual muscle 我开始长出一些智慧的肌肉，
and became a bit of a sparring partner to my new tutor. 成为我的新导师的陪练。
If I could please myself, I'd always live as I lived here. 如果我能让自己高兴，我会一直像在这里一样生活。
breakfast at eight, at my desk by nine 八点吃早饭，到了九点，
to read and write to precisely one, then lunch. 在我的书桌前读书写字，一直到一点，然后吃午饭。
That was absolutely delicious. 真是太好吃了。
Thank you, Mrs. Kirkpatrick. 谢谢你，柯克帕特里克夫人。
Fine. 不客气。
Oh yes. I was encouraged to eat, as well as to think. 噢,是的。他们鼓励我吃饭，也鼓励我思考。
Off for a walk by two,not with a friend. 两个人出去散步，不是和朋友。
Walking and talking are two great pleasures, 走路和谈话是两种伟大的乐趣，
but it is a mistake to combine them. 但把它们结合起来是错误的。
Our noise blocks out the sounds and silences 我们的噪音隔绝了外部世界的
of the outer world. 声音和寂静。
Thank you. 谢谢。
My return and the arrival of tea 我回来的时候，
would coincide at exactly four, taken in solitude. 茶点正好是四点钟，我独自一人享用。
Eating and reading are two pleasures 吃饭和读书是两种
that combine admirably. 结合得很好的乐趣。
Work till seven, deep into the classics, 工作到七点，深耕经典，
not sparing the horses. 马不停蹄。
Good talk all evening,all challenging, 晚上则酣畅谈论各种挑战性话题，
brain-rattling stuff. 思想不断碰击。
In bed by 11, unless you're making a night of it 11点前上床睡觉，除非你要和你的密友
at the pub with your cronies. 在酒吧度过一晚。
Passable. You're still a little shaky on accuracy. 通过了。你的准确性还不太好。
And I fear you've missed my point 恐怕你完全没有理解，
about the classics entirely. 我对经典的看法。
He that neither knoweth nor will be taught 那位既不知道也不愿接受
by the instruction of the wise, 智者教导的人，
this man is not Herodotus. 不是希腊历史学家希罗多德。
He knew a thing or two. 他略知一二。
That's not Herodotus. 这不是历史学家希罗多德。
It's Hesiod. 是希腊诗人赫西奥德。
Prove it. 证明它。
It's from his poem "Days in work." 出自他的诗《工作的日子》
I have it somewhere. 我把它放在什么地方了。
Here. 给你。
Good lad! 好小子！
My work was mostly Latin and Greek. 我读的作品主要是拉丁语和希腊语。
Homer first. Oh still relish the brightness and music of it. 先是《荷马史诗》，她依然闪着光辉和伴随着韵律。
Then the two great bores, 然后是两个讨厌的家伙，
Cicero and Demosthenes could not be avoided. 古罗马的西塞罗和古希腊的德摩斯梯尼，这两个躲不开的辩论家。
Followed by Lucretius. Oh, the glory! 接着就是罗马哲学家卢克莱修。噢，太壮丽了！
Herodotus, Aeschylus, Euripides. 古希腊的历史家希罗多德,悲剧诗人埃斯库罗斯，欧里庇得斯。
Had no taste for Virgil. 我对罗马诗人维吉尔没什么兴趣。
In the evening we mastered French, Italian and German 晚上，我们掌握了法语、意大利语和德语，
plunging into the likes of Voltaire, Faust in the inferno. 深入学习伏尔泰、炼狱中的浮士德之类的作品。
Kirk was my great teacher. 柯克是我的好老师。
My debt remains to this day. 我欠他的债，今天也还不完。
As for religion, he was a Presbyterian atheist. 至于宗教，他是出身长老会的无神论者。
On Sundays, he gardened in nicer clothes. 星期天，他穿着漂亮的衣服在花园里干活。
Among the poets I was reading at the time, 在我当时阅读的诗人中，
one stood apart, William Butler Yeats. 有一位显得与众不同，他就是威廉·巴特勒·叶芝。
He believed that there was a world 他相信在物质世界的帷幕之外，
beyond the material curtain 还有一个世界，
and that contact with that world was possible. 与那个世界的接触是可能的。
Oh, I regarded Yeats as a learned responsible writer. 哦，我认为叶芝是一个博学的、负责任的作家。
Later when I met him, I was awed by his personality 后来当我见到他时，我对他的个性感到敬畏，
and he rejected the whole 他毫不犹豫地拒绝了
materialist philosophy out of hand. 整个唯物主义哲学。
If Yeats had been a Christian,I would have discounted him. 如果叶芝是个基督徒，我就不会折服他了。
I had Christians placed,disposed of for ever. 我把基督徒搁在一边，永远不理他们了。
Yeats offered something else, a perhaps. 叶芝提出了另一种可能。
And through this perhaps, 也许正是通过这一点，
a drop of disturbing doubt fell into my materialism 一丝令人不安的怀疑，进入了我的唯物观中，
and introduced me to something 并将我引入了一种
I've had trouble with ever since, 自那以后一直困扰着我的东西，
a ravenous desire for the supernatural. 对超自然事物的贪婪欲望。
Or to put it bluntly, the occult. 或者说白了，就是神秘学。
I once tried to describe it in a novel. 我曾试图在一本小说中描述它。
It's a spiritual lust and like the lust of the flesh 这是一种精神上的欲望，就像肉体的欲望一样，
has the fatal power of making everything else 它具有致命的力量，
seem uninteresting while it lasts. 在它持续的时候，使其他一切都变得乏味。
Oh I loved the vagueness of it. 哦，我喜欢它的模糊。
Circles, pentangles,Ouija boards, seances, 圆圈、五角星、占卜板、降神会，
all seemed able to raise a spirit. 所有这些似乎都能振奋精神。
Oh, this magic! 哦,这太神奇了!
No connection of my atheism swayed me in different moods. 我的无神论并没有使我，在不同的情绪中动摇。
And that it was scorned by both Christians and rationalists 它受到基督徒和理性主义者的蔑视，
appealed to the rebel in me. 这唤起了我内心的叛逆。
My descent was from eccentricity to perversity. 我从古怪堕落为变态。
The world and the flesh had made their appearance. 外部世界和我的肉体，都出现反叛的迹象了。
Now came the devil. 现在魔鬼来了。
Had there been an elder in the neighborhood 如果我的附近有个
who dabbled in dirt, 涉足污垢的老者，
oh they have a nose for potential disciples, 哦，他们能嗅到潜在的门徒了，
I might now be a Satanist or a maniac. 我现在可能是撒旦崇拜者或疯子了。
Then, in the super abundance of mercy, 然后，在极度的仁慈中，
came that event which I have attempted 发生了一件事，我在我的许多书中，
to describe in many of my books. 都试图描述它。
I was in the habit of walking a few miles 我习惯步行几英里到莱瑟黑德车站，
to Leatherhead Station and taking the train back to Kirk's. 再乘火车回到柯克家。
While waiting for the train I rummaged in 等火车的时候，我在二手书店翻了翻，
the second hand bookstore and picked out 挑出了一本不同寻常的书，
an unusual title, "Phantastes" by George MacDonald. 乔治·麦克唐纳的《幻影》。
It looked a little unusual. 它看起来有点不寻常。
I hadn't the faintest notion of what I'd let myself in for. 我完全不知道，自己会陷入什么境地。
This one please. 这本书我要了。
A tuppence, please sir. 请付两便士，先生。
Thank you very much sir. 非常感谢你，先生。
Sorry. 对不起。
As I began to read my new book, I was electrified. 当我开始读我的新书时，我感到很兴奋。
I felt like a miner who had struck gold. 我觉得自己像一个挖到了金子的矿工。
In those pages I met all that had charmed me 在这些书中，我看到了叶芝和其他人身上
in Yeats and others. 所有让我着迷的东西。
Yet, everything was changed. 然而，一切都变了。
The bright shadow coming out of this book, 这本书带来的聪明的幽灵，
transformed everything 改变了一切，
and it would affect my own writing forever. 也永远影响了我的写作。
It was as if I had died in the old country 就好像我死在古老的国度，
and come alive in the new, 又重生在新的国度，
all my occult and erotic fantasies began to feel sordid. 我所有的神秘主义和色情幻想都开始感到自卑。
Disarmed, what I really wanted was just out of reach. 被解除武装后，我真正想要的就变得遥不可及。
Not because of something I could not do, 不是因为我不能做什么，
but because of something I could not stop doing. 而是因为我无法停止做什么。
Oh, if I could only let go, unmake myself. 噢，如果我能放手，就能让自己解脱。
I did not know the name of this new quality. 我不知道这种新素质的名字。
Oh I do now. Holiness. 哦，我现在知道了。它叫“圣洁”。
That night as I read "Phantastes" 那天晚上，当我读《幻影》时，
my imagination was baptized. 我的想象力，仿佛受到了一次洗礼。
The rest of me took a little longer. 我的其他部分，则要花更长的时间。
I first met it as a memory that would arise suddenly 我第一次见到它时，它只是一段突然出现的记忆，
without warning from the depth of not years, but centuries. 毫无征兆地从不是多年，而是几个世纪以来的深处浮现出来。
The memory was from childhood 我的记忆来自童年，
when my brother brought the lid of a biscuit tin 我的哥哥带了一个饼干罐的盖子，
garnished with twigs and flowers to make a toy garden. 装饰着小树枝和花朵，做了一个玩具花园模型。
It was the first beauty I had ever known, 这是我所知道的第一种美，
a sensation of desire. 一种欲望的感觉。
But before I knew what I desired, the desire was gone, 但还没等我知道自己想要什么，欲望就消失了，
withdrawn, the world turned common again. 退缩了，世界又变得平凡了。
Since then my constant endeavor was to get it again, 从那以后，我不断努力想要恢复过来，
in reading every book,going on every walk, 读每一本书，走每一段路，
listening to every piece of music. 听每一首音乐。
Occasionally the sky would turn. 天空偶尔也会转变。
Far more often, I frightened it away by my greed to have it. 更多的时候，我因为贪心而把那种圣洁给吓跑了。
I call this desire, joy, 我把这种欲望叫做欣喜，
which must be distinguished very sharply 它必须与幸福或快乐
from happiness or pleasure, 截然不同，
except that anyone who has ever experienced joy 只是，任何曾经体验过欣喜的人，
will want it again. 都会想再体验一次。
Apart from that, it might be called 除此之外，它可能被称为
a particular kind of grief, 一种特殊的悲伤，
but then it's the kind we want. 但它是我们想要的那种。
It is the scent of a flower we have not found, 它是我们尚未发现的花朵的芬芳，
the echo of a tune we've not heard. 是我们尚未听到的曲调的回声。
News from a country we have not yet visited. 它就好像是，来自一个我们从未去过的国度的消息。
Oh, I doubt that anyone who has ever tasted joy 哦，我怀疑任何一个尝过欣喜滋味的人，
would exchange it for all the pleasures in the world. 会用它来换取世界上所有的快乐。
But joy is never in our path. And pleasure is. 但我们的人生道路上从来没有欣喜。而快乐常见。
At 18, I arrived at Oxford, 18岁时，我来到牛津，
the fabled cluster of towers and dreaming spires 那里传说中的一座座塔楼，和梦幻般的尖塔，
had never looked more beautiful. 看上去从未如此美丽过。
Less than a term later,like most of my generation, 不到一个学期后，我像我们这一代的大多数人一样，
I enlisted in the army, 应征入伍，
was sent to the front lines in France, 被派往法国前线，
on my 19th birthday to be exact. 准确地说，是在我19岁生日那天。
First bullet I heard brought not fear, 我听到的第一颗子弹带来的，不是恐惧，
but the thought, this is war. 而是一个念头，这就是战争。
This is what Homer wrote about. 这就是荷马所写的。
Five months later, I was wounded and sent home. 五个月后，我受了伤，被送回家。
In between, I had the good luck 在这期间，我很幸运地
to fall sick with trench fever. 患上了“战壕热”。
Compared to the trenches, 与战壕相比，
a hospital bed and a book were heaven itself. 一张病床和一本书本身就是天堂。
And how are you tonight Lieutenant Lewis? 今晚过得怎么样，刘易斯中尉?
Fine. Thank you nurse. 很好，谢谢你，护士。
Well Stanley. Time for your inspection, I think. 斯坦利。我想是你检查的时候了。
Yes nurse. 是的，护士。
Except that the night nurse 除了夜班护士
was conducting a furious affair with my roommate. 和我室友发生了一场疯狂的婚外情。
I was too sick to be embarrassed, 我病得很重，不觉得尴尬，
but the sound of two lovers whispering in the nighttime 但两个恋人在夜里的耳语声，
is a tedious noise. 是一种乏味的噪音。
It was here I first read G.K Chesterton. Never heard of him. 我第一次读到G.K 切斯特顿就是在这里。以前从没听说过他。
Had no idea what he stood for, 我不知道他代表什么，
nor could I understand why it made such a conquest of me. 我也不明白为什么，它会如此地征服我。
His humor was the kind I like. 他的幽默，是我喜欢的那种。
No, not jokes, still less a tone of flippancy. 不，不是开玩笑，更不是轻浮的语气。
Oh that I cannot endure. 哦，那种是我无法忍受的。
Rather his humor was the bloom of his argument. 更确切地说，他的幽默是他论点的精华。
Strange as it seems I liked him for his goodness. 奇怪的是，我喜欢他的善良。
Oh not that it had anything to do with being good myself. 哦，这和我自己做个好人，没有任何关系。
I did not have the cynics nose for hypocrisy and smugness 我没有同龄人中常见的愤世嫉俗的伪善和
so common among my peers. 自鸣得意。
In Chesterton, as in MacDonald, I did not know 在切斯特顿的书中，就像我当年在麦克唐纳的书中一样，
what I was letting myself in for. 我不知道自己会产生什么感觉。
A young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist 一个年轻人如果想，一直是一个可靠的无神论者，
cannot be too careful of his reading. 那么他读书越仔细越好。
After my convalescence, I returned to the front lines. 康复后，我又回到了前线。
Wait. 等一下。
Turn off the light! 把手电筒关掉！
The moment I was hit and found that I was not breathing 当我被击中，发现自己没有呼吸的那一刻，
I concluded this is death. 我断定这就是死亡。
I felt no fear, no courage, just the thought, 我没有感到恐惧，也没有勇气，只是在想，
here lies a man who died. 这里躺着一个死去的人。
It wasn't even interesting. 这一点都不有趣。
The fruit of this experience 这种体验的结果是，
is there appeared a fully conscious I, 出现了一个完全有意识的“本我”，
whose connection with me was coming to an end. 它与我的联系即将结束。
And I, whoever that may be, cared not two farthings. 而我，不管那个“本我”是谁，自己一点也不在乎。
Oh, it was more than an abstraction. 这可不仅仅是抽象概念。
I tasted it. 我尝到了。
As for the rest of the war,the cold, the fear, the fright. 至于战争的其他副产品，就是寒冷，恐惧，恐惧。
The corpses. 还有尸体。
It was a ghastly interruption to rational life. 这是对理性生命的可怕干扰。
Now it feels like it happened to someone else. 现在感觉，就像发生在别人身上一样。
Except for the recurring nightmares. 除了我以后反复地做噩梦。
When I returned to Oxford,I put on a new look, 当我回到牛津时，我换上了一副新面孔，
which meant to act with the greatest good sense, 这意味着我要以最理智的方式行事，
and to have no more flirtations with the supernatural. 不再与超自然的东西调情了。
Directly after the war,I spent a fortnight 战争刚结束，我和一个我深爱的男人
with a man I'd dearly loved, who was going mad. 呆了两个星期，他快疯了。
I held him as he wallowed on the floor 我抱着他，他在地板上打滚，
and screamed "Devils are tearing me apart. 尖叫着:“魔鬼把我撕碎了。
I'm falling into hell." 我正在坠入地狱。”
I knew this man had flirted 我知道这个人和我一样，
with all sorts of occult ideas as I had. 也有过各种神秘主义调情的想法。
Oh, perhaps there was no connection, 哦，也许这没有什么联系，
but I took it as a warning to stay on the beaten track, 但我把它当作一个警告，它让我走寻常路，
the approved material center of the road with the lights on. 走那条有着光照的、被允许的通往唯物主义中心的康庄大道
The early days of my new look were quite happy, 我的新形象的早期，是相当快乐的，
busy engaged in my studies of classics, philosophy. 忙于我的古典文学和哲学的研究。
At that time we were all swept up by Freud 当时我们都被弗洛伊德和他的新心理学
and his new psychology. 所吸引。
By my mid 20s, I was elected a fellow at Magdalen College, 在我25岁左右的时候，我被选为莫德林学院的研究员，
hence my career as a scholar and tutor began. 从此我的学者和导师生涯开始了。
After you dear boy. 你先说答案，小伙子。
The answer of course,is that. 答案当然是这样的。
They even provided rooms for me here, 他们甚至在这里为我提供房间，
to read, to write for my tutorials. 让我阅读，写我的教程。
I had arrived. 我就来了。
I felt like I'd found a home 我觉得我找到了一个家，
with some of the finest scholars I would ever meet. 里面住着我所见过的最优秀的学者。
We were young, clear-headed,invincible. 我们那时年轻，头脑清醒，所向披靡。
Then one day, my very dear friend, Owen Barfield, 后来有一天，我的好朋友欧文·巴菲尔德来找我，
who satisfied my hunger for debate and rational opposition 他满足了我对辩论和理性反对的渴望，
announced that he had changed his views. 宣布他改变了自己的观点。
He was no longer a materialist and had become a theist. 他不再是一个唯物主义者，而是一个有神论者。
I was shocked. I thought Barfield was safe. 我很震惊。我以为巴菲尔德无动于衷。
He came from such a free-thinkig family. 他来自一个思想自由的家庭。
He'd barely even heard of Christianity. 他几乎没听说过基督教。
Barfield bought up all the abominations: 巴菲尔德全盘接受了所有可恶的东西:
God, spirit, afterlife. 上帝，灵魂，来世。
I said, "Dammit Owen, it's medieval." 我说，“该死的欧文，你这是在中世纪。”
Dammit Owen, it's medieval. 该死的欧文，你这是在中世纪。
You may say that Jack, but the medieval world 你可以这么说，杰克，但中世纪的世界
has a lot to teach us. 有很多值得我们学习的东西。
You mean that the world is flat. 你是想说，地球是平的。
Oh come on Jack, be serious. Open your mind. 得了吧，杰克，严肃点。开放你的思想吧。
I have. 我开放了。
And as a wise man once said to me, he that neither knoweth- 一位智者曾对我说过，连他也不知道...
- This started our great war, ...我俩之间就展开了大战，
our philosophic disputation that lasted for years. 我们的哲学争论持续了很多年。
I remember Barfield asking: 我记得巴菲尔德问:
Jack, do you believe that logic and reason 杰克，你相信逻辑和理性带来的是
bring forth indisputable truth? 不容置疑的真理吗?
I do. 我是这么认为的。
And are your moral and aesthetic judgments 你的道德和审美判断是否
valid and meaningful? 有效和有意义?
They are. 它们是的。
Well then materialism must be abandoned. 好吧,那你的唯物主义必须被放弃。
There is a hopeless discord between what our minds 在我们关于每人的思想之间，有不可调和的分歧,
claim to be and what they really must be 都声称思想是存在的，他们到底是什么样的，
if materialism is true. 假如唯物主义是真实的话。
We claim our minds to be reason-perceiving 我们声称我们的头脑是理性的感知
universal intellectual principles, moral laws, 普遍的智力原则、道德法则，
and possessing free will. 并拥有自由意志。
But if materialism is true, our minds must in reality, 但是，如果唯物主义是正确的，
be merely chance arrangements of atoms in skulls. 我们的思想在现实中，一定只是头骨中原子的偶然排列。
I of course, argued back. 当然，我反驳了。
We are to accept reality as it is revealed to us 我们要接受我们的感官
by our senses and the findings of science have concluded 向我们揭示的现实，科学的发现已经得出结论，
that human reason is merely cognitive maps 人类的理性仅仅是自然选择
resulting from natural selection, 产生的认知地图，
with random mutations over millions of years 数百万年的随机突变
to confer on humans a reproductive advantage 赋予了人类比其他物种更大的
over other species. 繁殖优势。
I had to say something. 我必须得说点什么。
I'd been defending materialism for years. 多年来，我一直在捍卫唯物主义。
Look. 你看。
If my clearest reasoning tells me 如果我最清晰的推理告诉我，
that my mind is nothing more than the accidental result 我的思维不过是头骨中原子碰撞的偶然结果，
of atoms colliding in skulls,there must be some mistake. 那一定是出了什么差错。
How should I trust my mind when it tells me 当我的大脑告诉我，我最深刻的思想
that my most profound thoughts are merely mental patterns 仅仅是由遗传和物理变化造成的思维模式时，
resulting from heredity and physics? 我怎么能相信我的大脑?
Barfield's notion that if materialism is true 巴菲尔德的观点，如果唯物主义是正确的
my conscious mind is nothing more 我的意识只不过是
than atoms colliding in skulls. 头骨里的原子碰撞。
This was simply unbelievable to me. 这简直让我难以置信。
I could not force my thought into that shape 我不能强迫我的思想变成那样的形状，
any more than I could scratch my ear with my big toe. 就像我不能用我的大脚趾挠我的耳朵一样。
It was as final as a physical impossibility. 这就像物理上的不可能一样。
Mind, reason, imagination, consciousness 思维，理性，想象，意识
must be more than mere biochemistry. 一定不仅仅是生物化学。
It must be a real participation. 这必须是真正的参与。
Something further up, further in. 有些东西是越往上，就越深刻。
Rock-bottom reality had to be intelligent. 底层的现实必须是能理解的。
It's astonishing I've not seen this before. 我以前没见过这种情况，真令人惊讶。
Willful blindness, I suppose. 我想是故意视而不见吧。
And I was careful not to attach rock-bottom reality to God, 我很小心，不把最底层的现实和上帝联系在一起，
my skepticism would not allow me to go that far. 我的怀疑论不允许我走得那么远。
Rather I attached it to the universe itself. 相反，我却把它与宇宙本身联系起来。
Still it had immense potency. 但它仍然具有巨大的效力。
Behind the material curtain lay the hidden glory. 在物质的帷幕后面隐藏着光环。
Barfield and I began to talk religiously about an absolute. 巴菲尔德和我开始虔诚地谈论一个绝对真理。
Of course, this was a religion that cost nothing. 当然，这是一种不用付出的宗教。
It wasn't personal. 这不是个人的。
It wouldn't do anything. 它什么也做不了。
It wouldn't lead to dark places where men scream 这也不会导致人们尖叫着
they're being dragged into hell. 要被拖进黑暗的地狱。
It was there. 它就在那儿。
Never come here. Make a nuisance of itself. 从没来过这里。让它自己成为令人讨厌的东西。
Within the faculty, I befriended Hugo Dyson 在教职员中，我与雨果·戴森、
and J.R.R. Tolkien,both Christians. J.R.R.托尔金成为了朋友，他们都是基督徒。
Oh these queer people were popping up on every side. 这些奇葩人物从四面八方冒出来。
There was a wider disturbance. 这就发生了更大范围的骚乱。
All my books were turning against me. 我读过的所有的书，都对我不利。
I must've been as blind as a bat, 我一定是像蝙蝠一样瞎了，
not to have seen this before. 以前都没这种情况。
George McDonald had done more to me than any other writer. 乔治·麦克唐纳对我的影响，比其他任何作家都大。
Of course he had that bee in his bonnet about Christianity. 他当然对基督教有那种痴心妄想。
He was good in spite of it. 尽管如此，他说的还是很有道理。
Spenser, Dante, Milton had it too. 斯宾塞，但丁，弥尔顿也如此。
I thought Chesterton the most sensible man alive, 我认为切斯特顿是世上最明智的人，
apart from his Christianity. 除了他的基督教信仰。
I was beginning to think that Christianity 我开始认为基督教除了它本身的基督教精神外，
was quite sensible apart from its Christianity. 还是相当明智的。
On the other hand, those writers who did not suffer religion 另一方面，那些不受宗教影响的作家，
and with whom my sympathies ought to have been complete: 我本应完全同情他们：
Shaw, Wells, Gibbon,Voltaire, seemed thin, tinny. 萧，威尔斯，吉本，伏尔泰，看这些人似乎都很单薄。
Oh, they were all entertaining,especially Gibbon, 噢，他们都很有趣，尤其是吉本，
but hardly more. 但仅这些人而已。
The roughness and density of life 生活的粗犷和密集
did not appear in their books. 没有出现在他们的书中。
I concluded that those with untrained philosophic minds 我的结论是，那些没有受过哲学训练的人，
could come near the notion of an absolute being 只要相信上帝，就可以接近
by believing in a God. 绝对存在的概念。
And I distinguished my belief very sharply 我把我的信仰和大众宗教的上帝
from the God of popular religion. 区分开来。
Oh there was no possibility of being 哦，我不可能和他
in a personal relation with him. 有私人关系。
I could no more meet him than Hamlet could meet Shakespeare. 我不能见到他，正如哈姆雷特不能见到莎士比亚一样。
And I did not call him God, either. 我也没有称他为上帝。
I called him Spirit. 我叫他“精神”。
One must fight for one's remaining comforts. 一个人必须为自己余生的心安理得而奋斗。
About this time one of my fellow tutors, 大约在这个时候，我的一位导师，
the hardest boiled atheist I'd ever known, 我所认识的最顽固的无神论者，
sat in my rooms other side of the fireplace and remarked 坐在壁炉另一边我的房间里说:
"The evidence for the historicity of the gospels, “福音书里的历史真实性的证据，
surprisingly good. 惊人地合理。
Rum thing, all that mythology about the dying god. 那些关于垂死之神的神话，真是太诡异了。
Rum thing, looks as if it really happened once." 可奇怪的是，它们好像真的曾经发生过。”
I was shattered. 我被击得粉碎。
If he the cynic of cynics, who's never since 如果一个像他这样，从未对基督教表现出兴趣的人，
shown any interest in Christianity 一个我一直认为是在所有愤世嫉俗者中
were not as I still would have thought him, safe, 最愤世嫉俗的人，且思想坚定，连他都这么认为，
where can I turn? 那我该转向何方？
Before God closed in on me 在上帝包围我之前，
I was in fact offered a moment of free choice. 我实际上得到了一个自由选择的时刻。
I was sitting on a bus going up Headington Hills 我坐在一辆开往黑丁顿山的巴士上
thinking I was wearing a suit of armor, 以为自己穿着一套盔甲，
trying to keep something out. 试图阻挡任何思想的入侵。
I could unbuckle the armor or, keep it on. 我可以卸下盔甲，也可以始终穿着它。
The choice felt momentous. 这次选择意义重大。
I chose to unbuckle. 我选择了解开盔甲。
Did not seem impossible to do the opposite. 做相反的事似乎也不是不可能。
The initiative did not lie with me. 主动权不在我。
If Hamlet and Shakespeare could ever meet, 如果哈姆雷特和莎士比亚能相遇，
it would have to be Shakespeares doing, 那一定是莎士比亚干的事，
he could write himself into the play. 他可以把自己写进戏里。
What I called Spirit began to show 我称之为“精神”的东西开始表现出一种令人担忧的个人化倾向。
an alarming tendency to become personal. 这是令人担忧的。
Into my mind, crept a horrible novelty. 一个可怕的念头钻进了我的脑海。
I really believed something. 我真的相信了某些事。
And now that I had blundered into that 现在我已经误入了这个误区，
I knew I could play at philosophy no longer. 我知道我不能再玩哲学了。
It was time something should be done. 是时候该做点什么了。
The absolute had arrived. 绝对真理已经来了。
Making a nuisance of itself, issuing a command. 它正在制造麻烦，发出命令。
All my acts and desires were to be brought in line 我的一切行为和愿望都必须符合我现在所相信的这种绝对精神。
with this absolute spirit that I now believed. 带着我现在所相信的那种绝对的精神。
For the first time I examined myself 我第一次带着严肃的实际目的
with a serious practical purpose. 审视自己。
What I found appalled me. 我的发现令我震惊。
Depth after depth of pride, self admiration, 一次又一次的骄傲，它来自自我崇拜，
a zoo of lusts, a bedlam of ambitions, 它来自欲望的动物园，野心的疯人院，
a nursery of fears, a harem of fondled hatred. 恐惧的苗圃，期待唯一的雄性来爱抚的充满嫉妒的后宫。
Oh, my name is legion. 哦，我的名字是“军团”。
Amiable agnostics talk cheerfully of man's search for God, 和蔼可亲的不可知论者，愉快地谈论人类寻找上帝，
may as well talk of the mouse's search for the cat. 就像谈论老鼠寻找猫一样。
All I ever wanted was not be interfered with, 我所希望的只是不受干扰，
to call my soul my own. 把我的灵魂归我所有。
Keep out, private. This is my business. 别进来，这是私人领地。这是我自己的事。
But no one talked glibly of the comforts of religion. 但是，没有人能随心所欲地谈论宗教的慰籍。
Is it a small thing to give yourself blindly to a guide 当你贫穷、嬉笑怒骂和死亡时，
when his own showing may very well 你却盲目地把自己交给了一个指导，
be leading you to poverty, ridicule, death? 这是一件小事吗?
Oh, I knew I would not allow myself 哦，我知道我不会允许自己
to do anything intolerably painful. 做任何无法忍受的痛苦的事。
I would be reasonable. 我会很理性的。
Would it be reasonable? 这是合理的吗？
No assurance was offered. 没有任何保证。
It was all or nothing. 要么全赢，要么全输。
As the dry bones shook in Ezekiel's dreadful valley, 当干枯的骨头在《以西结书》里可怕的山谷里颤抖时，
the absolute spirit began to stir and heave 绝对的灵魂开始活动，扬起，
and throw off its grave clothes. 脱下它的丧服。
He said, "I am the Lord. 他说，“我就是上帝。
I am that I am. 我就是那个我。
I am." 我本该就是这样。”
You must picture me alone in my room at Magdalen, 你可以想象，我一个人在莫德林学院的教研室里，
night after night, feeling whenever my mind lifted, 夜复一夜地工作，每当我的思绪从工作中解脱出来时，
even for a second, from my work, 哪怕只有一秒钟，
the steady unrelenting approach of him 我都能感觉到，那个我一直不想见到的人，
whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. 正在不屈不挠地走近我。
That which I greatly feared had at last come found me. 我最害怕的东西，终于来找我了。
In the Trinity term,1929, I gave in. 1929年，我在三一学院的任期里，我终于屈服了。
And admitted that God is God. 我承认了上帝的存在。
Knelt and prayed perhaps that night, 也许那天晚上，我跪下并祈祷了，
the most dejected, reluctant convert in all England. 成为了也许是全英国最沮丧、最不情愿的皈依者。
I did not then see the divine love 那时我还不明白上帝之爱
that would accept a prodigal on such terms. 会以这样的条件下，接纳我这个浪子。
Kicking, struggling, resentful, 我脚踢踹着，气愤地，
darting his eyes in every direction, 瞪着我的双眼四处巡顾，
looking for a chance to escape. 寻找一个能让我逃避的机会
The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of man. 上帝的刚毅比世人的柔弱更仁慈。
His compulsion is my liberation. 他的强迫就是我的解放。
You must understand that the conversion I just described 你必须明白，我刚才描述的皈依
was only to theism, pure and simple, not Christianity. 只是纯粹的有神论，而不是基督教。
I knew nothing of the incarnation, 我对道成肉身一无所知，
the God to whom I surrendered was not human. 让我我所屈服是上帝，不是人。
I had no belief in an after life. 我不相信来生。
That to me, felt like a bribe. 对我来说，这像是贿赂。
My argument against God was that the universe 我反对上帝的理由是，整个宇宙是如此的
was so cruel and unjust, 残酷和不公正，
but where had I got this notion of cruel and unjust? 但我从哪里得到这种残酷和不公正的概念?
I call a line crooked 我称一条直线为弯曲的，
because I have some idea of a straight line. 是因为我对直线，已经有了一些概念。
What was I comparing the universe with, 当我说宇宙残酷不公正的时候，
when I called it cruel and unjust. 我拿它和什么比较呢?
If the whole universe has no meaning, 如果整个宇宙都没有意义，
I should never have known it has no meaning. 我就不应该知道，它到底有没有意义。
All of my reasonable mind was convinced 我所有理性的头脑都相信
that the universe cannot explain itself, 宇宙无法不证自明自己，
that God is behind the universe, 上帝在宇宙背后，
that he has purposes. 他有自己的目的。
And is to be obeyed simply because he is God. 你必须服从，仅仅因为，他是上帝。
I suppose my religion was like that of the Jews. 我想我的宗教和犹太人的差不多。
As soon as I became a theist, 我一成为有神论者，
I started attending my parish church on Sunday. 我就开始在星期天，去教区的教堂做礼拜。
College chapel during the week. 学院的礼拜堂，成了我每周必去的地方。
Not because I believed in Christianity, 不是因为我信仰基督教，
but because I thought one should fly one's flag. 而是因为我认为，一个人应该亮明自己的观点。
Church was an unattractive affair. 做礼拜是件乏味的事。
I like clergy as I like bears, but I have no more wish 我喜欢神职人员就像喜欢熊一样，
to be in church as to be in a zoo. 但我不愿像在动物园里一样去教堂。
Church to me meant ugly architecture, bleed music, 教堂对我来说意味着丑陋的建筑，血腥的音乐，
bad poetry, hymns are extremely disagreeable to me. 糟糕的诗歌，赞美诗都是我非常不喜欢的。
And the botheration of it all, the crowds, the notices, 还有这一切的烦恼，教众，通告，
the perpetual organizing. 没完没了的组织。
Before our final prayer,a quick announcement, 在我们最后的祈祷之前，有个简短的通知，
if you would like to join Edith on the flower rota, 如果你想加入伊迪丝的花班，
she's desperate for volunteers, 她急需志愿者，
do please speak to her at the back by the font afterwards. 之后请到后面的洗礼池旁和她说话。
Let us pray. 让我们祈祷吧。
Lighten our darkness,we beseech thee oh Lord 照亮我们的黑暗，主啊，
and by thy great mercy defend us from all perils 我们恳求你用你的仁慈，保护我们脱离今夜的
and dangers of this night, 一切风险和不安，
for the love of Thy only son, our savior Jesus Christ. 为了你唯一的儿子，也是我们的救主耶稣基督，爱着我们。
Amen. 阿们。
My new conviction in a higher being 我对一个更高的存在，而皈依的新信仰，
did not exactly make me a paid-up member 并没有使我确切地成为，英国国教会的
in the Church of England. 坚定信徒。
But now that I believed in God, 但既然我相信上帝，
I wanted to know more of him, 我就想从各方面的来源了解他，
from any source, pagan or Christian. 无论是来自异教徒，还是基督徒。
The question was no longer to find the one true religion 问题不再是要从众多宗教中，找出唯一真正的宗教，
among many, but where had the thing grown up. 而是这种宗教是从哪里产生的。
Paganism was the childhood of religion. 异教信仰是宗教的童年。
Where had it reached maturity? 它是在哪里成熟的?
As for the materialists,their view was out of court. 至于唯物主义者，他们的观点是不登大雅之堂的。
If reason is only the accidental result of atoms 如果理性只是原子在头骨中碰撞的
colliding in skulls, I could see no reason 偶然结果，我就看不出，有理由相信
to believe that one accident 一个事故就能
should give the correct account for all other accidents. 正确解释出所有其他事故。
My allegiance was now with the mass of humanity 我现在效忠于人类大众，
who danced, sang and prayed, worshiped. 他们跳舞、唱歌、祈祷、礼拜。
There isn't really an infinite variety 你知道，宗教并不是
of religions you know. 无穷无尽的。
To me, the only ones worth considering 对我来说，唯一值得考虑的是
are Christianity and Hinduism. 基督教和印度教。
Islam is only the greatest of the Christian heresies. 伊斯兰教只是基督教异端中最伟大的。
Buddhism's only the greatest of the Hindu heresies. 佛教是印度教异端中最伟大的。
All that is best in Judaism and Plato 犹太教和柏拉图主义的精华
survives in Christianity 在基督教中保留下来，
and Hinduism bears no historical claim. 而印度教中缺乏基于历史事实的声明。
That had been put into my head by that hard-boiled atheist, 那是那个铁石心肠的无神论者灌输给我的，
who said, "All that mythology about a dying God 他说:“所有关于死去的上帝的神话
looks as if it really happened once." 看起来好像，真的发生过一次。”
One day Tolkien and I took a stroll on Addison's walk. 一天，我和托尔金在阿狄森步道上散步。 （牛津的一条土路，墨迹文学社的三名成员经常在晚饭后散步，讨论信仰问题）
As we talked, I said. 我们谈话时，我说。
Tollers, I have, with considerable resistance, 托勒斯，我经过很大的阻力，
come to believe in God,but not Christianity. 开始相信上帝，但不信基督教。
Oh Jack. 哦，杰克。
I cannot believe something I do not understand. 我不能相信我不理解的事。
How can the life and death of someone else, 某个人的生与死，不管他在2000年前是谁，
whoever he was, 2000 years ago,help us in the here and now. 怎么能在此时此地帮助到我们。
When you meet a God sacrificing himself in a pagan story 当你在一个异教故事中遇到一个牺牲自己的神，
like Dionysus, Balder, Osiris or even in a fairy tale, 如狄俄尼索斯，巴尔德，奥西里斯，甚至在一个童话故事中，
you like it very much and are mysteriously moved by it. 你会非常喜欢它，并被它神秘性而感动。
Provided you meet it anywhere except in the gospels. 假如，给你展现的神，不是出现在福音书里。
Well the story of Christ is a myth, 那么，基督的故事就是一则神话，
working on us in the same way as other myths, 对于我们来说，和其它神话一样，
with one tremendous difference in that it really happened. 唯一不同的是，这是真的发生过。
Suddenly a rush of wind interrupted us, startling me. 突然一阵大风打断了我们，吓了我一跳。
So many leaves fell to the ground I thought it was raining. 这么多的树叶落在地上，我以为是下雨了。
I held my breath. 我摒住了呼吸。
Come on, Jack. You're too slow to catch a cold. 走快点儿，杰克，你这样磨磨蹭蹭地会感冒的。
You know Dyson hates sitting on those steps 你知道戴森讨厌坐在台阶上
waiting to be let in. 等人开门。
I don't know if Tollers remembered that moment. 我不知道托勒斯是否记得那一刻。
I did. His words hit home. 我照做了。他的话正中要害。
No matter how unwilling,I was beginning to move. 不管我多么不情愿，我还是开始行动了。
Tollers and I talked deep into the night. 托勒斯和我一直聊到深夜。
Hugo Dyson joined us. 雨果.戴森也加入了谈话。
Beef. Sensational pie. 牛肉馅儿的。诱人的馅饼。
You make a mess with that. 你把它弄得一团糟。
Now this stuff will put hairs on your chest. 这东西会让你的胸毛长出来。
Here she is. 她来了。
Make space would you. 腾出个位置吧。
There we go. 我们这就去。
Look, I may be prepared to accept Jesus 听着，我可能愿意接受耶稣
as a great moral teacher, 是一位伟大的道德导师，
but I simply cannot accept his claim to be God. 但我不能接受他自称是上帝。
Oh, come on Jack. 哦，算了吧，杰克。
How could a mere man be called a great moral teacher 一个凡人怎么能被称为伟大的道德老师，
and say the sort of things Jesus said? 还说出耶稣所说的话呢?
Such as? 就像？
That he always existed. 他一直存在。
That he was coming again to judge the world. 他要再次来审判这个世界。
Such men are judged frauds, lunatics. 这样的人被认为是骗子和疯子。
In spite of my resistance, 尽管我极力反对，
they convinced me that nothing else in all literature 它们还是使我相信，在所有的文学作品中，
is just like the gospels. 没有什么是像福音书那样的。
Myths are like it in one way with its stories 神话在某种程度上与它相似，
of the miraculous,histories like it in another 它有奇迹般的故事;历史在另一方面与它相似，
with its attention to minute details, 它注重细微的细节，
but nothing is simply like it. 但没有任何事物与它简单地相似。
And no person is like the person depicted. 没有人长得像，被别人描绘成的样子的。
I'm sure there are many people 我相信有很多人
who believe themselves to be God. 相信自己就是上帝。
Our hospitals are full of them. 我们的精神病医院里到处都是。
Oh, come on Jack be serious. 得了吧，杰克，严肃点。
No great moral teacher has ever made that claim 除了耶稣，没有一个伟大的道德老师
except Jesus, and you know it. 这样说过，你知道的。
And he went on and on and on. 他就是说个不停。
What do you mean? 你想说什么呢？
Well, claiming to forgive sins 他声称能宽恕罪恶
and that he himself is the injured party 而他自己是每一次犯罪的
in every transgression. 受害方。
Look, in anyone else this would be thought silly. 听着，换做别人的话，会觉得这很傻。
Suppose you told me that two of your colleagues 假设你告诉我，你的两个同事
had lost you a top professorship 因为对你的人品撒谎
by telling lies about your character, 而失去了一个顶级教授的职位时，
And I replied "Freely forgive them both." 我回答说:“原谅他们两个吧。”
Would you not think this sheer lunacy? 你不觉得这完全是疯了吗?
It would be sheer lunacy. 这简直是疯了。
Yet, even those who opposed Jesus 然而，即使是那些反对耶稣的人也承认，
admitted that he expressed moral truth of depth and purity 耶稣表达的是，深层和纯洁的道德真理，
full of wisdom and shrewdness. 充满了智慧和机智。
Wisdom and shrewdness. 智慧与机智。
You make him sound like Solomon the great. 你把他说得像所罗门大帝。
On the contrary, 正相反，
history repeatedly calls him humble and meek. 历史一再称他谦卑、温顺。
Not that you want to notice that of course Jack. 如果不是这样，你还会认为是什么？杰克。
Humility and meekness are the last things one would ascribe 谦逊和温顺是人们最不会把它归到一个
to someone who makes claims worthy of being a megalomaniac. 自称自大狂的人身上的东西。
The Great Knock taught me to shame inconsistency. 那位“伟大的开窍者”教会我，对信念前后矛盾应感到羞耻。
If Jesus' statements are false. 如果耶稣的陈述是假的。
Christianity is of no importance. 基督教就不再重要了。
If true, it is of infinite importance, 如果是真的，那么它就具有无限的重要性，
but one thing it cannot be is moderately important. 但有一样东西，它不可能具有折中的重要性。
So what are you saying? 你在说什么?
Simply that either this man was, and is, the son of God 简单地说，这个人要么过去是，现在也是上帝之子，
or else he is a liar,a lunatic or a fraud, 要么就是个说谎者，疯子，骗子，
but all this patronizing nonsense 但所有这些关于
about him being some great moral teacher, 他是伟大的道德导师的傲慢无稽之谈，
it's not an option to us,nor was it intended to be. 对我们来说，从不是选项，也不打算是。
I felt a resistance to this 我对这一点的抗拒
almost as strong as my resistance to theism. 几乎和我对有神论的抗拒，一样强烈。
Every step from the absolute to spirit to God 从绝对到精神再到上帝的每一步
was a step toward the more concrete. 都是向更具体的事物，迈进的一步。
And now to accept the incarnation that God became man 而现在，接受上帝的化身成为人，
was a further step in the same direction. 是向同样的方向又迈进了一步。
Oh, this too was something I had not wanted. 哦，这也是我不想要的东西。
I remember very well when,but hardly how, 我清楚地记得，最后一步是何时迈出的，但不记得
the final step was taken. 是如何迈出的。
I was being driven by my brother Warnie to Whipsnade Zoo 1931年秋天的一个星期天早晨，
in the sidecar of a motorcycle one Sunday morning 我坐在我哥哥沃尼的摩托车的挎斗里，
in the autumn of 1931. 他载着我去惠斯奈德动物园。
When we set out, I did not believe 我们出发的时候，我不相信
that Jesus Christ is the son of God. 耶稣基督是上帝儿子的这回事。
When we reached the zoo, I did, 当我们到了动物园，我相信了，
I had not spent the journey in thought, or great emotion. 在旅途中，我既没有思索，也没有激动。
It was more like a man who, after a long sleep, 这更像是一个人在长时间睡眠后，
has become aware he is now awake. 意识到自己现在是——清醒的。
My conversion shed new light on my search for joy. 我的转变，让我对寻找有了一种快乐，有了新的认识。
The overwhelming longings that emerged from "Phantastes" 从乔治.麦克唐纳的《幻影》以及哥哥的玩具花园中产生的
and my brother's toy garden were merely signposts 强烈渴望，只是我真正
to what I truly desired. 渴望的路标。
They were not the thing itself. 它们不是事物本身。
I concluded that if I find in myself a desire 我断定，如果我在自己身上找到一种
that no experience in this world could satisfy, 世上任何经验都无法满足的欲望，
the most probable explanation,I was made for another world. 最可能的解释那就是：我就是为另一个世界而生的。
At present we're on the outside of that world, 目前，我们在那个世界的外面，
the wrong side of the door. 在门的另一边。
We cannot mingle with the splendors we see, 我们不能和我们所看到的辉煌混在一起，
but all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling 但是《新约》圣经的所有叶子都在沙沙作响，
with the rumor that it will not always be so. 谣言说，它不会永远如此。
One day, God willing,we shall get in. 如果上帝愿意，总有一天我们能进去。
Meanwhile, the cross comes before the crown 与此同时，十字架来到了皇冠面前，
and tomorrow is another morning. 明天又是一个早晨。
A cleft has opened in the pitiless walls of this world, 这个世界无情的墙壁上，出现了一道裂缝，
and we have been invited to follow our great captain inside. 我们被邀请，跟随我们伟大的船长——进去。
Following him is of course the essential point. 最重要的，当然是跟随他进去。
鈾?In the bleak midwinter 鈾? 在那萧瑟的隆冬
鈾?Frosty wind made moan 鈾? 寒风萧瑟
That Christmas, I took the short walk to my parish church. 那年圣诞节，我步行去了教区的教堂。
That walk marked the end of one journey 那次散步标志着一段旅程的结束，
and the beginning of another. 另一段旅程的开始。
鈾?Snow had fallen 鈾? 雪花飘飘
鈾?Snow on snow on snow 鈾? 雪不停地下着
鈾?In the bleak midwinter 鈾? 在那萧瑟的隆冬
As I looked around,I thought not only 当我环顾四周时，
of my own potential glory hereafter, 我不仅想到了我自己将来可能获得的荣耀，
but also that of my neighbor's glory. 也想到了我的邻人将来可能获得的荣耀。
It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods 生活在一个可能是众神和女神的社会是
and goddesses, to remember that the dullest, 一件危机的事情，要记住，你遇到的最乏味、
most uninteresting person you meet may one day 最无趣的人，也许有一天，
be a creature that if you saw it now, 当你再见到他时，他可能会成为一种创造者，
you would be strongly tempted to fall down and worship 你会强烈地想要跪倒在地崇拜它，
or else a horror or a corruption such as you now meet, 或者成为一种可怕或腐朽的样子，就像你现在遇到的一样，
if at all, only in a nightmare. 如果真那样，那也只是在噩梦中。
All day long, we are helping each other 一整天，我们都在帮助彼此到达
to one or the other of these two destinations. 这两个目的地中的一个或另一个。
It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities 我现在正是根据这些不可抗拒的可能性，
that I should now conduct all my dealings. 来处理我所有的事务。
There are no ordinary people. 这里没有普通人。
I've never met a mere mortal. 我从没见过一个只是平凡的人。
Nations, cultures, civilizations, these are mortal. 各个国家、各种文化、诸多文明，这些都是平凡的。
Their life is to ours as that of a gnat. 它们的寿命对我们来说，就像是小小烦恼。
It is immortals whom we joke with, work with, 唯有我们能与之开玩笑，能与之共事，
marry, snub, exploit. 婚姻，怠慢，壮举是不朽的。
The weight or burden of my neighbors glory 我的邻人的荣耀
should be laid daily on my back. 也要让我天天背负着。
A load so heavy, only humility can carry it. 如此沉重的负担，只有谦卑才能扛得起。
And the backs of the proud will be broken. 骄傲人的背，必折断。
鈾?What can I give him 鈾? 我能给他什么
鈾?Poor as I am 鈾? 像我一样的可怜
鈾?If I were a shepherd 鈾? 如果我是一个牧人
鈾?I would give a lamb 鈾? 我将献出一直羔羊
鈾?If I were a wise man 鈾? 如果我是个智者
鈾?I would do my part 鈾? 我会尽我的本分
鈾?Yet what I can I give him 鈾? 但我能给他什么
鈾?Give him my heart 鈾? 把我的心给他
Christ our Passover is sacrificed for us. 我们过逾越节，是因为基督为了我们做了牺牲。
Therefore let us keep the feast. 所以我们要谨守这节。
The body of our Lord Jesus Christ. 这是主耶稣基督的圣体。
Unlike my first communion, 17 years earlier. 不像十七年前我的第一次圣餐。
I now believed. 我现在才算是，真正地信仰。
Okay. Thanks very much. 好的。非常感谢。
That's a cut there. Thank you. 这里要有个剪切。谢谢你们！
Thank you Max. 谢谢你，麦克斯。
Thank you. 谢谢你。
谨记念我的兄弟，克里夫.斯塔普思.刘易斯，生于1898年十一月29日， 逝于1963年十一月22日。人必须忍受自己的命运。 沃伦.汉密尔顿.刘易斯，皇家陆军服务部队，少校， 生于1895年六月16日，逝于1973年四月9日。
最不情愿的转换——C.S.刘易斯不为人知的故事 翻译：hardstick 校订：hardstick 谢谢观赏！
翻译：hardstick 校订：hardstick
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